To help America, I used Crusader Kings 3 to figure out how to remove a doddering, senile lunatic from power

In a tale that echoes the pulse of America's election fervor, a gamer sought to remove a senile leader from power using the video game Crusader Kings 3. The gamer, who wished to remain anonymous, decided to create an 80-year-old lecher named Wenzel who was destined to become the Holy Roman Empire's ruler. Wenzel's defining trait was "lunatic."

The gamer then needed a position from which to act in the world and test his theories on removing a leader. He chose one of Wenzel's direct vassals, who seemed like an ordinary man and was prone to tuberculosis. The gamer's first solution was to plunge the realm into civil war, but he soon realized this option would not be suitable for an international videogames publication.

The gamer then opted for a bloodless path to power, such as being nominated as the old man's heir or buttering him up to become co-ruler. He began by flattering and gifting the old man, decreasing the chances of his lands being redistributed among his children. He also penned fawning letters to his powerful vassals, offering them bribes and schemes to sway and cajole the realm's most powerful figures.

However, none of the influential figures seemed inclined to support the gamer for the big chair. Wenzel, despite being fond of the gamer, was ancient, deranged, and distracted by religious superstition. The gamer had to get serious about removing Wenzel.

As fate would have it, Wenzel caused a plague called "Wenzel's Cough" that ravaged his counties and family. The gamer isolated the capital and secured a personal physician, who helped him recover. With his attempts at diplomacy foiled and Wenzel's health declining due to the plague, the gamer resorted to war. Wenzel had significantly more men than the gamer, but the gamer managed to sway one of Wenzel's powerful vassals, a Tuscan duchess named Matilda, by marrying her.

Ultimately, the gamer's success in removing a senile leader from power using Crusader Kings 3 serves as a metaphor for America's election frenzy, where strategies and tactics are employed to unseat a leader, often with surprising consequences.