Hidden habits that make your social anxiety worse - and how to break them

Mary's social anxiety began during her teenage years and worsened to the point of depression during her university years. By the time she started her degree, she avoided group settings and made no friends. Social anxiety affects up to 12% of people at some point in their lives, with students returning to university experiencing increased levels of anxiety.

Mary describes her anxiety as an out of body experience, feeling disconnected from her body when speaking to new people. She would often feel shame after social situations, believing she had done something terrible. Neil Greening, chair of the Social Anxiety Alliance UK, explains that people with social anxiety often internalize their feelings, viewing it as a personality flaw rather than a recognizable condition that can be treated.

He emphasizes that it's normal to feel shy or anxious in new situations, but social anxiety is when it hinders people from participating in activities. The key to managing social anxiety is to stop obsessive self-focus and engage in behavioral experiments by trying new things and observing the outcomes. People with social anxiety should avoid safety behaviors such as rehearsing every sentence, avoiding eye contact, and sticking close to one person.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is the gold standard treatment for social anxiety, encouraging people to reframe their thoughts and change their behaviors. Prof David Clark, a psychologist at the University of Oxford, suggests that people should also avoid post-event rumination, as it's easy to distort what happened and can exacerbate anxiety.

Mary, who now manages her social anxiety better, attributes her progress to therapy and self-acceptance, joining smaller groups and an astronomy club to push herself out of her comfort zone.