Hi, I’m Your New Press Secretary, and It’s My First Time Reading Words Out Loud

Meet Katie Zacharia, your new press secretary! She may be recognizable to many as she frequently appears on Fox News. The President seems to identify potential candidates for employment by simply watching television and pointing. Katie herself is considering a career as a lawyer, but for now, she's stepping into the role of press secretary.

Katie admits that this is her first time reading words out loud, and she describes it as an impressive performance. She emphasizes her uncertainty and the potential for unexpected stops in her delivery. She jokingly refers to herself as an "unlicensed bus driver," acknowledging that her performance may be shaky at times.

Katie is passionate about her role, stating that it allows her to amplify, multiply, and expand upon President Trump's agenda for the American people. Her goal is to communicate the President's accomplishments and make them widely understood. She hopes to work in tandem with the President, who she believes is his own best spokesperson.

Despite her enthusiasm, Katie admits that she is not enjoying this job. She expected more confrontation when answering questions, but she has only referred to her husband as "my president" once. She assures the audience that she is the best person for the job, as long as it doesn't involve reading more words or answering more questions.

Katie compares the job to meritocracy, saying that being included in it is not enough for her. She closes her speech with a defiant "No further questions!" and remarks that it's been 14 minutes already. She concludes by emphasizing that she will never have to do this again.