El Jalapeño: Jalisco residents fear real-life Guillermo del Toro horror movie following discovery of ‘zombie fungus’

Residents of Jalisco, Mexico, expressed fear following the discovery of a "zombie fungus" that could potentially evolve into a real-life Guillermo del Toro horror movie. State health officials addressed the public's concerns, detailing the highly improbable conditions under which this fictional nightmare could unfold. The newly identified Ophiocordyceps deltoroi fungus, which targets ants, could theoretically infect humans but the likelihood is extremely low.

To transmit the infection, a human would need to be an orphaned heiress wearing a yellow velvet gown with large sleeves, living in a 19th-century hacienda with red clay seeping through the floorboards. The infected person would have to stare into a gilded mirror while listening to a haunting lullaby on a broken music box before the spore could infect them.

Secondary transmission would rely heavily on dramatic pacing; if a person inhaled the spores, they would cough up blood for three weeks, hovering near a dimly lit spiral staircase, disregarding warning signs from a glowing, translucent ancestor. Mycologists from the University of Guadalajara confirmed the low probability of a human outbreak, attributing it to the warm nature of human biology and the lack of damp, Gothic architectural features in most modern apartments.

Unless one has a hidden, lockable trunk beneath the floorboards, the fungus will remain confined to forest ants.