Want to improve your sex life? Look to religion.

In the ancient Hebrew Bible, a text often used to condemn sexual desire, there exists a collection of explicit erotic poetry. Describing intimate moments between lovers, it paints a vivid picture of desire and pleasure. As a gay teenager in the 1990s, author Jay Michaelson experienced a different reality. Sex was considered dirty and shameful, with limited information on pleasure or practical knowledge about gay sex.

This led to his first encounter being messy and painful when he was 18. However, Michaelson later discovered that religion could offer insights into sex as a spiritual practice. He argues that religion provides three key gifts: presence, pleasure as a blessing, and integration.

The first gift is presence, which involves cultivating mindfulness during sexual encounters. By using rituals and practices from religious services, such as incense, music, and lighting, one can create an atmosphere conducive to being fully present. This same approach can be applied to sex, with elements like candles, massage oil, and communication to foster a deeper connection.

However, being fully present may evoke negative emotions, like self-consciousness or embarrassment, which the second gift can help overcome. Religion teaches us that pleasure is a blessing, a belief that can be cultivated through practice and reflection.

The final gift is integration, emphasizing that sex should not be a separate, isolated experience but rather an expression of one's entire being. Religious traditions often intertwine sex with daily life, viewing it as natural and necessary for creating new life. By incorporating sexual themes into creation myths and stories, society can normalize and appreciate sex as a fundamental aspect of life.

As Michaelson suggests, integrating sexual experiences into our lives can lead to a more holistic understanding of ourselves and our relationships.