A visit to my 85-year-old dad prompted me to move my family back to the US. I wasn't prepared for caregiving.

Vivian Pei moved to the United States with her family to start a career and build a family abroad after spending more than 30 years in overseas. However, a recent visit to her 85-year-old father made her realize that she needed to return to the US to care for him. Pei, an American mother of two and cofounder of Snacky Mini Mart in Iowa City, had been living abroad for several decades and had never imagined that she would end up moving back to the US, specifically to Iowa City, where she'd never lived before.

Upon visiting her father, who had always been fiercely independent, Pei was shocked by his age and deteriorating health. Her father, who had worked tirelessly to help his siblings move to the US and open his own restaurants, had suddenly become frail and needed assistance. Vivian and her two teenage children moved back to Iowa City with the intent to provide care for her father, but the experience proved to be more challenging than she had anticipated.

Caring for her father required immense physical and emotional effort, and it was challenging to balance this responsibility with the needs of her two children. Pei discovered that her father, despite his initial independence, was resistant to admitting his needs and was even resistant to discussing his pain openly. As his health declined, he began to show signs of dementia, which added another layer of complexity to the caregiving process.

Pei is grateful for the time she's spent with her father in his final years, and she feels lucky that they were able to spend more time together after moving back to the US. Despite the challenges, Pei believes that their time together has brought her closer to her father and her family.