How to share tough feedback: 4 questions to ask before speaking up

Four key questions can guide us in deciding whether to share tough feedback, according to Vanessa Bohns, a professor of organizational behavior and social psychology at Cornell University. In her book Should I Say Something?, Bohns shares these questions to help us determine when to speak up and when to remain silent. The first question is a self-reflective one: If the situation were reversed, would we want someone to point out our mistake or annoyance?

If the answer is yes, then sharing the feedback could be beneficial. The second question comes from the perspective of an ideal communicator: Imagine another person, one with excellent skills in giving feedback. Would the recipient still feel it necessary to receive the critique? If the answer remains affirmative, it further confirms the need for honesty.

These questions, according to Bohns, guide us towards sharing feedback that genuinely benefits the recipient. In addition to these questions, Emma Levine, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, emphasizes the importance of timing in conveying negative information. Before delivering feedback, it is crucial to ask if the recipient is ready to accept and act upon the critique.

If they decline, it may indicate they are not yet prepared to utilize the advice. Moreover, the feedback should be specific and offer a clear path forward. Lastly, it is acceptable to withhold feedback if sharing it would cause emotional harm without providing any practical value.