I survived cancer 19 years ago. I still wake up at 3 a.m., wondering if it's back.
I've survived cancer for 19 years, but I still struggle with anxiety about recurrence. Clear scans haven't erased the fear.
It has been 19 years since the author was diagnosed with peritoneal mesothelioma, and her scans have consistently been clear. Yet, despite this medical clarity, she continues to wake up in the middle of the night, fretting about the possibility of her cancer returning. The author explains that her high-functioning anxiety is an enduring part of her life, even though she maintains a successful career, raises children, and leads in various capacities.
She notes that while she appears strong and capable externally, her inner world is marked by chronic hypervigilance, disrupted sleep, and a persistent need for control. She also highlights how high-functioning anxiety can be difficult to recognize, as it often masquerades as diligence and responsibility. The author emphasizes that while she is grateful for her life and achievements, high-functioning anxiety remains a part of her ongoing journey.
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