Breastfeeding my baby made me feel intense rage. Learning there was a name for it helped me feel less alone.
Breastfeeding my baby made me feel rage. Once I learned it was called 'breastfeeding aversion,' I felt less alone, and switched to pumping.
Breastfeeding proved to be an intense source of rage for a mother, despite initial signs of smooth progress. Her milk supply was adequate and her baby latched well, indicating normalcy. However, during nursing sessions, she experienced a nagging agitation that bordered on rage. This feeling compelled her to confide in her husband, who was often away at work, about her struggle.
Consequently, she delved into research and discovered the term "breastfeeding aversion," which later validated her experience. Learning the name for her feelings provided her with a sense of belonging and lessened the sense of isolation she felt. She experimented with various strategies to cope with the negative emotions, such as distraction techniques and quieter environments during feeds.
When these methods failed, she allowed herself to take breaks by switching to pumping. Eventually, she decided to stop breastfeeding altogether, realizing that pushing through the distress might breed tension instead of bonding. The decision to stop nursing was challenging and accompanied by a sense of guilt. However, switching to pumping proved to be a relief, as it did not trigger the same emotional and physical sensations.
She now regrets not making the transition sooner, as she has since discovered that the closeness she initially expected from nursing came when she stopped.
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