Why comparing siblings can hurt their bond, psychology says
Frequent comparisons between siblings by parents can lead to unhealthy competition and feelings of inadequacy. Such comparisons may be seen by children as favoritism, harming their self-esteem and relationships. It's essential for parents to celebrate each child's unique qualities and progress. Emphasizing cooperation rather than competition and maintaining open communication will cultivate…
Parents often compare their children to motivate them or teach lessons. However, this comparison can have unintended consequences on sibling relationships. Children may feel they never measure up, or that they must always be the responsible one. This can change how they see each other and themselves within the family.
Children naturally compare themselves to their siblings in various aspects like grades, skills or attention from parents. When parents consistently praise one child while criticizing another, it can lead to resentment or feelings of inadequacy. For example, if one child is praised for intelligence while another is berated for struggling, the struggling child may view their sibling as a competitor rather than a friend.
Conversely, the praised child may feel uncomfortable with their achievements making their sibling seem less capable.
While some sibling comparisons can foster encouragement and learning, frequent comparisons can make it harder for children to appreciate each other's strengths without feeling like they're in competition for approval. A study conducted in 2000 found that how parents treat one child can affect their sibling's perception. A child always called the "responsible" one may feel pressure to constantly behave maturely, even when mistakes occur.
The older sibling may also feel burdened by expectations while the younger sibling might feel they are always being measured against an unattainable standard. Parents can acknowledge maturity and responsibility without making it a permanent identity. Instead of saying "You are the good one; learn from your brother," they could acknowledge a specific action like "You remembered to put your books away today. That was helpful."
The key difference between equal and fair treatment lies in understanding that children have unique needs and ages, requiring different approaches. Fair treatment means acknowledging these differences rather than treating every child identically. For instance, a later bedtime for an older child can be explained as natural progression, whereas extra help with homework could be seen as personalized support, not favoritism. Open communication about these disparities can help maintain harmony in sibling relationships.
Written by urgent.news from Times of India's reporting — not their text. Machine-written — may contain errors; check the original before relying on it.
