Raising My Own Child, I Remember How Poorly My Mother Treated Me
I’m a female office worker in my 30s. As I’m raising my young child, I’ve been vividly recalling how my mother treated me, and I’m anxious that I might end up doing the same thing with my child.
I am a 30-year-old woman who works as an office worker. As I am raising my young child, memories of how my mother treated me have flooded back, causing me anxiety about potentially repeating her behavior. My mother was extremely overprotective, and while I appreciate her devotion, her rigid belief that she was always right and her tendency to shut herself off when angry left me feeling resentful.
As a teenager, she constantly criticized me and refused to listen to my perspective. Even now, I struggle to communicate openly with her. I understand the challenges she faced, yet I cannot help feeling resentment towards her for the way she treated me. When I visit my parents, my mother showers her grandchild with affection, which is both comforting and uncomfortable.
How should I interact with my mother moving forward? Many people struggle with hatred toward their mothers, and the term "toxic mother" is frequently used, yet the mothers themselves may be unaware of their behavior. They often pride themselves on believing they loved and raised their children to the best of their ability, causing even more suffering for the children.
These feelings arise from a desire to protect something precious - in your case, a child. It is likely that you are revisiting painful memories because you want to ensure your child never has to endure the same experiences. However, people rarely change, and there is no guarantee your mother will not treat her grandchild the same way she treated you.
There are numerous community support systems available for child-raising. Relying on your mother as you do now may only deepen your suffering. You cannot blame yourself for wanting to distance yourself from her. Protecting your child means prioritizing your own well-being first. Please remain strong for your own sake.
Written by urgent.news from The Japan News by The Yomiuri Shimbun's reporting — not their text. Machine-written — may contain errors; check the original before relying on it.
