How to Have More Self-Control

Self-control, the ability to manage thoughts, regulate emotions, and resist impulses, contributes to a happier and healthier life. Individuals with strong self-control tend to have higher psychological well-being, academic and career success, and healthier relationships. On the other hand, low self-control can be a significant contributing factor to various issues, such as substance abuse and impulsive buying.

We all encounter the urge to act on immediate desires—like reaching for a cookie—but learning to think before acting can help us restrain ourselves, even in high-stress situations.

Walter Mischel, a psychologist who taught at Stanford and Columbia, conducted pioneering research on delaying gratification in the late 1960s and 1970s. His most famous study, The Marshmallow Test, involved presenting preschoolers with a marshmallow and instructing them to either eat it immediately or wait 20 minutes to receive two marshmallows.

Mischel followed these children over time and noted significant differences in their academic, social, and emotional development between those who resisted the temptation and those who did not. The effects of early self-control on long-term success were apparent, and subsequent studies with diverse samples further reinforced these findings, indicating that the ability to delay gratification is closely linked to parental education and home environment.

Angela Narayan, a clinical psychologist and associate professor at the University of Denver, specializes in helping low-income families develop resilience and effective coping mechanisms to break the intergenerational cycle of trauma. She advises parents to recognize and acknowledge the negative emotions they experience, then practice mindfulness and simple coping strategies to manage these feelings.

By allowing temporary impulses to pass without reacting impulsively, individuals can regain clarity and make better decisions. This approach helps people understand that they can regain control over their actions and maintain their self-respect by responding thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. Visualizations, like imagining oneself riding a horse and pulling back on strong emotions, can also be effective tools in managing impulses.

While occasional instant gratification is normal, consistently giving in to every impulse may lead to missing out on greater rewards and personal growth. Self-control is not an innate trait but a skill that can be learned and strengthened with practice, regardless of one's background or inherent impulsivity. Learning self-control is vital for leading a fulfilling life and should be an ongoing goal for everyone.