Psychologists provide tips on how to talk about identity
Imagine your child asks you out of the blue, "If we speak Spanish, will they take you away?" Or imagine them suddenly asking what an offensive slur means. When a child asks these types of questions, it can be difficult to trace them back to a specific news story or event. But you may not need to. The question itself tells you that your child is trying to make sense of something they heard.
When children ask questions about their identity, it can be challenging for parents to respond appropriately. The question may not be directly tied to a specific news event but rather the child's attempt to understand something they've heard. These conversations often revolve around fears related to language, appearance, religion, or relationships. Regardless of the specific concern, the underlying issue is the same: how these messages might affect someone like them.
Children who don't directly experience discrimination still absorb messages about who is ordinary and who is suspect. Psychologists who specialize in anxiety, depression, and resilience among diverse groups of children and families frequently encounter versions of these questions in their work and personal lives. While parents cannot control every message their child encounters, they can help their child understand the implications of those messages.
Parents may struggle to know when to address these questions directly or when to let the child explore their feelings in other ways. One strategy is to use open-ended prompts like "tell me more" to encourage the child to share their thoughts. If a child responds with "I don't know," it's essential to respect their uncertainty and let them know that it's okay to not have all the answers.
Parents should avoid changing the subject or minimizing the child's concerns, as this can leave the message unaddressed and potentially more damaging.
Instead of avoiding difficult conversations, parents can directly address the messages their child has heard. For example, they can say, "Some people believe that, but we don't." They can also reassure their child about their worth and belonging, regardless of what others say. This can involve discussing cultural history, traditions, and pride, as well as affirming the child's identity, whether they are autistic, part of the LGBTQ+ community, or belong to another marginalized group.
The goal isn't to ignore discrimination but to help children distinguish between what people say about their identities and what those identities actually mean about their worth. Explicitly positive messages from trusted adults can reinforce a child's sense of worth and provide them with a buffer against future hurtful messages. Ultimately, making identity an ordinary part of family life can help children experience it as a source of pride rather than a subject of conflict.
Written by urgent.news from Phys.org's reporting — not their text. Machine-written — may contain errors; check the original before relying on it.
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