I Went Through IVF for Our Baby, One Ultrasound Changed Everything

On a chilly day, I found myself feeling anxious as I prepared to undergo an ultrasound. My husband, Ryan, and I had been through a great deal of pain and heartbreak. Our daughter, Nellie, had passed away unexpectedly, leaving us devastated. In 2024, we decided to pursue in vitro fertilization (IVF) to try for another child. Despite two failed egg retrievals, we remained hopeful.

However, in February 2025, we experienced a heartbreaking chemical pregnancy, which was less devastating than losing Nellie but still deeply painful.

We resolved to undergo another IVF cycle with a different clinic. This time, the experience was far more positive, and around nine weeks into the pregnancy, we decided to have a boutique abdominal ultrasound. The technician's results were disappointing. We could only see a tiny circle and a faint flicker of a heartbeat, far too weak to hear.

This news left us in a state of worry and uncertainty. We prayed for a better outcome during our next ultrasound scheduled for July. The day finally arrived, and I was filled with anxiety. My husband and I, staying with my in-laws due to a power outage, walked to the car with my mother-in-law, Liesl, asking if everything was okay.

I broke down, admitting I had a bad feeling about our pregnancy. We knew our baby was a girl, and we had named her Poppy, but the fear of something being wrong persisted.

I chose to film the ultrasound appointment, believing in honesty and authenticity. Moments after pressing record, the technician announced that there was no heartbeat. Poppy's measurements were completely off – she should have been 10 weeks and 2 days along, but was only 7 weeks and 6 days. Shock washed over me, and I found myself desperately reaching for Ryan.

As the technician comforted me, all I could think of was holding my husband. Everything felt hazy until he reached out to me. We returned to my in-laws' house, where we cried and held each other all night long. Despite my grief, I felt compelled to share my experience on TikTok, hoping to connect with others who have faced infertility and pregnancy loss.

I receive messages of support, which means the world to me, but also face criticism for my reaction to the technician's attempt at comfort. In that moment, she was a stranger, and I was in an incredibly vulnerable position. Many of my videos showcase the joy of pregnancy, but I believe it's essential to share the lows as well. Loss can feel isolating, but by sharing these moments, I aim to build a community of women who understand and support one another.

While this loss is painful, I know I can survive anything. Experiencing Nellie's full-term loss has given me a sense of resilience. I am now recovering from a dilation and curettage procedure and am grateful for the incredible support from my husband, Ryan, and family, especially my dad, Jeff Shaw. The doctor has already outlined a plan for our next steps, and we are preparing for another embryo transfer. I hold onto hope, seeing this setback as a challenging but necessary part of our IVF journey, rather than the end.