Sorry, Pluto’s still not a planet

Twenty years after Pluto's demotion, I, Mike "Pluto Killer" Brown, accept responsibility for the decision. While I recognize that Pluto remains a fascinating celestial object, I believe its demotion was inevitable. To those who are upset about this decision, I offer my sincerest apologies. If you found this article valuable, please consider supporting our journalism by subscribing. Your subscription helps ensure the continuation of impactful stories about discoveries and innovations shaping our world today.

To comprehend the reasoning behind Pluto's status, observe the moon during a summer twilight, noting its dark, ancient volcanic flows. Ask yourself: is the moon a planet? Most people, including myself, will conclude that it is not. Consequently, Pluto is not a planet either. You may argue that your opinion on the moon has no bearing on your feelings for Pluto, but equating these two objects is necessary for a philosophically consistent explanation of Pluto's planethood.

The primary argument for restoring Pluto's planetary status revolves around the so-called "duck test": if an object looks, acts, and walks like a duck, it is most likely a duck. In Pluto's case, the argument is that it geophysically resembles a planet. It is round and once exhibited active volcanism, likely involving water. Earth's moon, being 50% larger than Pluto and boasting volcanoes that once spewed lava, would undoubtedly qualify as a planet by these criteria.

However, the International Astronomical Union's formal definition, controversially established on August 24, 2006, bases the planethood on Pluto's inability to "clear the neighborhood around its orbit." This phrase essentially acknowledges Pluto's position within the Kuiper Belt, a vast group of celestial bodies orbiting the sun beyond Neptune.

Critics argue that removing the dynamical classification component from the definition would restore Pluto's former standing. Yet, this would not be an isolated case. According to this logic, the moon, Earth's largest satellite, would also be reclassified as a planet. Additionally, numerous round, massive, and geologically intriguing objects in our solar system, like one asteroid, four moons of Jupiter, seven of Saturn, five of Uranus, one of Neptune, and possibly 10 (or potentially 200!) objects in the Kuiper Belt, would meet the geophysical criteria for planethood.

While I stand to gain the most from this more flexible classification, I would likely feel embarrassed whenever I observe the moon in the night sky, as it would remind me that my newfound status would necessitate acknowledging the moon's planetary identity. It is evident that the debate over Pluto's planethood is driven more by nostalgia for simpler times in our understanding of the universe rather than scientific principles.