How to build trust by saying “I don’t know”

In the midst of a heated match, a young athlete found themselves in a heated confrontation with a referee. The referee, a fully grown adult and technically in a position of authority, had allowed an unfair play to continue. The young athlete, frustrated and angry, directed their ire at the referee, demanding an explanation for their decision.

However, the referee unexpectedly defused the situation by admitting their mistake: "Yeah, messed that one up." This admission immediately defused the athlete's anger and frustration, displaying the power of admitting one's own errors.

The author shares this anecdote to illustrate the importance of admitting one's mistakes in fostering trust and respect. In the professional world, leaders often strive to appear confident and knowledgeable, even when they lack certainty. However, this can lead to a lack of trust, as people may view the leader as infallible and unapproachable. By admitting when they are wrong, leaders can demonstrate intellectual humility and encourage others to learn from their mistakes.

Admitting one's mistakes also allows for personal growth and improvement. When someone acknowledges their error, they open themselves up to feedback and new perspectives. This not only helps them learn and improve but also fosters a culture of openness and honesty. By admitting when they are wrong, leaders create an environment where others feel comfortable admitting their own mistakes, leading to a more collaborative and productive team.

It can be challenging to admit one's mistakes, as people often link their opinions to their identity. However, recognizing the difference between belief and identity is crucial. By admitting their mistakes, individuals can avoid the defensive reaction of defending their beliefs and instead engage in productive dialogue to update their views based on new information. This mindset shift, as described by Julia Galef in her book "The Scout Mindset," is essential for effective decision-making and problem-solving.

Furthermore, admitting one's mistakes can also improve relationships and boost trust. By acknowledging when they are wrong, leaders demonstrate humility and a willingness to learn. This can encourage others to be more open and honest in their interactions, leading to stronger bonds and improved collaboration. In contrast, leaders who constantly deny their mistakes or claim to always have the right answers can come across as inflexible and unapproachable, undermining trust and respect.

To build the muscle of admitting mistakes, it is essential to start by admitting when one does not know something. This may seem daunting, but it is a crucial first step in fostering a culture of openness and honesty. When someone admits they do not know the answer to a question, they are signaling that they are willing to learn and consider new perspectives. This sets the stage for a more productive and collaborative conversation, where ideas can be shared and debated without the fear of judgment or retribution.

Additionally, it is helpful to have a script for admitting mistakes when they do occur. A simple statement such as "I was wrong" can be powerful in setting the record straight and demonstrating accountability. For those looking to take their humility to the next level, it can be beneficial to provide context and explanation for their mistake. This can include a confidence level percentage and potential risks or consequences, allowing others to better understand the situation and respond accordingly.

Ultimately, the ability to admit one's mistakes is a sign of intellectual humility and a willingness to learn. By embracing this mindset, individuals can foster trust, improve relationships, and create a more collaborative and productive environment. While it may be challenging to admit when one is wrong, especially in situations where deeply held beliefs are at stake, the benefits are well worth the effort.

By adopting a mindset of continuous learning and improvement, individuals can become more effective leaders and better equipped to navigate the complexities of the modern world.