The hidden cost of always being the coping woman

In many households, the familiar response of "I can manage. I will find a way. I always do" is often uttered by women when faced with unexpected bills, urgent requests from relatives, or financial needs of their children. While this coping mechanism may be a strength, it can also have hidden costs. Regional manager at Old Mutual Personal Finance, Lulama Mrara, warns that constant coping can come at a price.

Ms. Mrara explains that postponing personal enjoyment for others is a common behavior among women who are constantly required to be the coping woman. For instance, Papadi Rantsoareng, a mother, has always been a "mommy's girl," relying on her mother for everything, never hearing her mother say "no" to her or her brother. However, as she grew older, Rantsoareng began questioning why her mother never took care of herself, and now encourages others to prioritize their own well-being.

Tebello Mokhotso, another woman whose mother has always come through for him, acknowledges this tendency in himself. He admits that he has to remind his mother to prioritize herself, even when she is providing financial support for him and their son. While Mokhotso's mother is selfless, he emphasizes the importance of her happiness.

The cumulative effect of being the person who absorbs financial pressure can be significant, according to Mrara. It may not be visible on a payslip or bank statement, but it can show up in deferred opportunities, unstarted investments, and an unestablished financial cushion. The latest Old Mutual Savings and Investment Monitor (OMSIM) suggests that many women are feeling this pressure acutely, with 56% of women worrying about debt, compared to 46% of men.

Despite these challenges, women are actively finding ways to strengthen their income. In fact, 63% of women are poly-jobbers or have side hustles, compared to 56% of men. This initiative and resourcefulness are essential to building greater financial resilience, but Mrara cautions that women should not be expected to carry every financial burden alone.

A useful question to ask is, "If I had to stop coping tomorrow, would my financial life still hold together?" By asking this question, women can begin to assess their financial situation and develop a plan for the future.