Perhaps the answer to my dating woes is to simply tell people who I am

Every time I rejoin dating sites like Tinder, I am faced with the choice of whether to include my disability in my profile. I often leave it out and only disclose it after a potential match gets to know me a little. This is not genuine authenticity but rather an edited version of myself, the socially acceptable version that others seem to connect with.

I am trying to make myself palatable by only mentioning my interests and goals, such as being a foodie, history and art lover, and lover of long conversations, to scream: "Look, I am just like you. Don't put me in a box." At other times, I do include my disability, but it's done out of acceptance and tiredness from pretending I don't have one and trying to follow the rules of what is normal in dating.

This leads to the unspoken hope that others will still like me and questions whether I have characterized my disability in a way that is friendly to those without disabilities. The back of my mind is filled with the question: "Why am I self-editing to make myself more appealing?" I never get around to answering this question and instead start swiping left on potential matches, all while questioning my own authenticity.

When I meet someone in person, I continue to perform a version of myself, downplaying my disability as a minor thing. I show up in character, trying to prove I am normal and more than my disability. However, when I meet people in person, the performance continues. I am so focused on making potential partners comfortable with my disability that I forget to ask myself if I actually like the person.

My sister reminded me of this reality when she said she didn't think I liked a guy I recently went on a date with, and I felt the disappointment of setting myself up for failure again. Dating apps have made dating easier and more accessible, but for every 20 matches, I only find a handful of people I'm genuinely attracted to and compatible with.

Should I really try to appeal to everyone, or is it better to just be honest about who I am? My name is Vanessa Mbeve, and I am 27 years old with cerebral palsy. I am an avid Cheetos and laptop user, and on weekends, you can find me out or blasting music in my house while scrolling on Reddit. Perhaps the answer is not to find a better explanation, but to simply tell people who I am.