The Right Way to Tell Someone You’re Worried About Their Weight Loss
How to speak up without making someone feel watched, judged, or ambushed.
The issue of discussing someone's weight loss can be delicate, especially for those struggling with eating disorders. According to Dr. Jennifer L. Gaudiani, an internist specializing in eating disorders, both the explicit comment and the silence can negatively impact the individual. Sometimes, people may not even receive any comments while they are experiencing significant weight loss, which can be confusing and distressing.
The mere presence or absence of comments can be very damaging to their self-esteem and recovery process.
There isn't a specific number of pounds that dictates when one should address weight loss. Clinically significant eating disorders can affect individuals of all weights and shapes. Observant friends and family may notice changes before anyone else, and these instincts are valuable. It's important not to wait for absolute certainty or comfort to bring up the topic, as this can lead to missed opportunities for intervention.
Physical and behavioral changes are often more telling than visual appearance. If someone has become more fatigued, pale, or short of breath, or if they faint unexpectedly without a clear medical reason, these could be signs of a deeper issue. Changes in eating habits, like avoiding meals or losing interest in food they once enjoyed, are also strong indicators. These indicators should be the focus of any conversation, not merely the change in weight.
It's crucial to differentiate between normal weight loss and a medically significant nutritional change. Not every weight loss warrants a conversation. The concern should be about whether the weight loss is accompanied by other symptoms that raise health concerns. When deciding to discuss weight loss, it's essential to focus on behaviors rather than body size.
Pointing out specific changes, such as a friend not attending social events where food is served or exhibiting signs of rigidity around eating, is more productive. Instead of commenting on weight, use phrases like, "You haven't come to anything involving food in two months" or "You seem much more rigid about eating than you used to be."
Approaching the conversation with curiosity rather than accusation is key. Start by expressing genuine concern rather than diagnosing the situation. A good opening might be, "I want to say something to you that comes from a place of deep care and some concern, and it might be a little hard to hear. I wonder if you're in a space where we could have a brief, meaningful conversation." This approach ensures that the person is given the opportunity to consent to the discussion.
Written by urgent.news from Time's reporting — not their text. Machine-written — it may contain errors, so check the original before relying on it.
