Why Everyone Always Seems to Be Out of Town

Scientists have determined the three main reasons people frequently cancel plans to playdates: an ongoing day-care virus, missing sitters, and the dreaded "out of town" excuse. While the first two are beyond our control, the latter seems to be a choice increasingly made by society. When you finally arrange a playdate, it's often discovered that your friends are all "out of town." This trend extends to weekend drinks and social gatherings.

We don't know if Americans are actually increasing their weekend trips, as the last comprehensive study was conducted in 1995. Common reasons Americans gave last year for not spending more time with friends were mental health issues, financial constraints, and being too busy; travel didn't make the top six. However, travel can be beneficial when it helps maintain friendships.

Despite this, many well-off Americans seem to prioritize "out of town" trips, which hinders the formation of a strong community. When friends are always away, it's hard to meet them for planned events or have casual run-ins, which are crucial for maintaining friendships.

A recent Substack writer pointed out that people want a "village" but often spend a lot of time "out of town." This was evident when a mother hosted a preschool class party, where only about a third of the kids showed up, despite the rest being "out of town." A poster on a DC Urban Moms and Dads message board expressed frustration that their neighbors were always "out of town" on weekends, leading them to travel frequently as well.

Several demographic trends explain the prevalence of the "out of town" phenomenon. Americans have been prioritizing vacations over the past two decades, even as living costs have risen. Higher-income individuals living near airports are more likely to travel for leisure. This demographic is also more likely to engage in remote work, sometimes requiring frequent travel to check in.

Many combine work trips with vacation days, a practice known as "bleisure." Additionally, well-educated people have been moving farther from their families, requiring travel to see relatives or old friends.

This geographical dispersion makes even a small event like a wedding or baby shower challenging, as it may necessitate travel. Furthermore, the rise of kids' travel sports often leads to conflicts when plans are made, as many people's kids have out-of-town competitions. While there are good reasons for travel, such as attending children's events, when weekend trips become frequent, people may not be living in their desired "village."

As communication professor Jeffrey A. Hall notes, when people invest in those who are "out of town," they miss out on building relationships within their local community.