Space Between Breaths: How to live in the present amid uncertainty, illness and grief

"Space Between Breaths," a book penned by Justin P Van Tonder, is a deeply personal narrative that resonates with readers from all walks of life. The Cape Town native shares his experience of walking alongside his mother through her diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer. Many individuals, upon facing the loss of a loved one, grapple with the reality of mortality, especially when faced with unexpected challenges.

Van Tonder structures the book in a way that provides a companion for readers by asking reflective questions, allowing them to observe the true meaning of presence during uncertain times.

The author shares how he too believed that goodbyes occur in a structured manner, only to face an unforeseen reality. Van Tonder emphasizes that life does not adhere to our expectations and that grief does not follow a timeline. Goodbyes may not always arrive when we anticipate them, nor do they always manifest as we envision. This truth is, in fact, life.

One of the key themes in the book is the importance of being present during moments of chaos. Despite his mother's life-altering diagnosis, Van Tonder's world was filled with uncertainty, including concerns about the ongoing pandemic, mounting hospital bills, and his own desire for control. However, the author asserts that love and presence remained at the core of all the chaos, even amidst difficult trials and tribulations.

The story unfolds in various settings, from hospital corridors to waiting rooms, from conversations we may not wish to have to the everyday moments that shape our lives. Van Tonder reminds us that presence is not confined to moments of crisis but is also present in our ordinary days, such as in our kitchens and amidst traffic lights. The book delves into the beauty of presence and grief, acknowledging that these emotions cannot be altered or avoided at any stage in life.

With simple yet effective writing, "Space Between Breaths" offers pockets of presence for readers to practice and reflect upon while navigating the heavy and blissful moments alongside the author. The book is not solely about death, illness, or the pandemic but is a reflection on what happens within us when life strips away certainty.

Van Tonder emphasizes that grief, love, gratitude, and the search for meaning belong to all of us, not just one individual. This book is about the moments we don't realize we are losing while trying to hold everything together and invites readers to look into a mirror and reflect on their own reactions to uncertainty and loss.