Man spends 35 years collecting corporate waffle, turns it into an app

Corporate executive Dave Doty has spent more than three decades collecting corporate jargon and turned his collection into an app called Executive Eightball. The app, available on both iPhone and Android, generates 270 million variations of buzzwords, clichés, and other verbal atrocities that plague office meetings.

Doty, who has experienced over 10,000 corporate meetings during his 30-year career, began compiling the phrases he heard during these meetings to keep his sanity. He describes the app as a "Dilbert and George Costanza love child" and emphasizes that it is a humorous way to generate corporate nonsense.

The app takes Doty's extensive database and assembles it into sentences that could easily fit into a CEO's quarterly update or a tedious all-hands meeting. Sample phrases generated by the app include "We must dashboard the outputs to enable us to focus on operational directives and break the paradigm" and "Drive to cross-functional synergies so we can reengineer the organization and unleash shareholder value."

Doty claims that Executive Eightball can produce approximately 270 million unique sentences in 15 different languages, making it possible for workers worldwide to participate in meetings without having to come up with actual ideas. The app's promotional materials suggest that it can be used for office humor, LinkedIn jokes, presentation icebreakers, and "Fake CEO energy."

The app offers a free version with ads and a limited supply of corporate waffle, as well as a paid version for $0.99 that unlocks the full range of features. Doty sees his creation as a significant contribution to society, stating that it is a "paradigm shift for corporate leadership" and a way to make productive use of the time wasted in meetings.