I'm raising my kids to be kind, but I don't want them to be people-pleasers
I stopped forcing my children to share everything and always say yes. I want them to learn healthy boundaries.
A mother reflects on her parenting decisions and how they shaped the character of her three children. Originally, she believed that teaching obedience was crucial for her kids. However, as they grew older, she realized the importance of setting boundaries as well. When her children respectfully declined something, she made sure to validate their choices and make them feel heard.
Initially, she pushed her kids to cooperate and share, even when they were reluctant. She wanted to keep the peace and be seen as a good parent. Nonetheless, she eventually understood that her actions were influencing her children's personalities negatively. Now, she is focusing on developing a more balanced parenting approach.
One instance that made her question her methods was her son's refusal to continue with his weekend archery class. She had been forcing him to attend, leading to stress and discomfort. Once she allowed him to opt out, both she and her son experienced less tension. She now asks her children for their input before enrolling them in extracurricular activities, ensuring they enjoy their chosen activities.
Another aspect she addressed was the issue of physical boundaries. When relatives or friends would ask her children for a hug or a kiss, they often felt obliged to comply, even if they didn't want to. She now encourages her children to decline physical affection when they're uncomfortable, offering alternatives such as a high-five or a wave instead.
The author also highlights how her children have learned to set boundaries with friends and peers. For example, her son confidently refused an invitation to jump off a high wall to retrieve a lost ball, simply stating that he wasn't willing to risk a fracture for a ball. This decision helped him maintain his personal boundaries and resist peer pressure.
The mother acknowledges that some people may view her parenting approach as overly permissive or spoiling her children. However, she believes that by teaching her kids to respectfully say no and stand up for themselves, they are developing valuable life skills. She emphasizes the importance of teaching children to set healthy boundaries while still demonstrating basic manners, ultimately fostering courage, clarity, and self-worth.
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