Shekhar Suman still dealing with son’s loss: Why grief lasts for years

Actor Shekhar Suman continues to grapple with grief years after the loss of his son Aayush, a stark reminder that mourning does not necessarily become less intense with time. While some may resume daily routines, for others, the pain lingers unexpectedly long. Birthdays, festivals and family events can all bring a painful reminder of what once was.

Grief is not bound by a strict timetable; it varies from person to person based on their relationship with the deceased, the circumstances surrounding the loss and their support system. Dr Monica Chib, a senior psychiatrist, explains that grief is a complex, ongoing journey. Losing a loved one is more than just their physical absence; it's also losing shared moments, emotional support and future plans.

For parents, it might mean losing the future they envisioned for their child. The manner of death also plays a role; a sudden loss can leave unanswered questions, while a prolonged illness may have left months of worry and emotional fatigue. Continuing to miss someone years later is not a sign of unresolved grief. It's a testament to the lasting impact of their presence.

Everyone processes grief uniquely; some may seek to talk about their loss, while others retreat into work or solitude. This response does not indicate the depth of their pain. Grief can fluctuate with life events. A significant occasion, like a wedding or festival, can unexpectedly trigger sadness at not being able to share in those moments with someone who's no longer there.

In India, where family gatherings are often steeped in tradition, these moments can be especially challenging. While one may feel better for weeks, a specific day can bring them back to their sorrow. This is not a reflection of lost progress, but rather the ebb and flow of grief. Coping with grief involves acknowledging and accepting your feelings, be it sadness, anger, or emotional numbness.

Maintaining a regular routine, including healthy meals, adequate rest, short walks, and manageable tasks, can provide a semblance of structure during turbulent times. If these challenges persist, seeking help from a healthcare professional is crucial. Remembering the deceased can be a beneficial coping mechanism. This could involve looking at photographs, sharing cherished memories, continuing a meaningful tradition, or engaging in prayers and family rituals that provide comfort.

It's important to remember that each individual may grieve differently. One person might crave constant support and conversation, while another may prefer solitude. Asking what form of support would be most helpful can be beneficial. Life can return to normal despite the loss. Experiencing happiness, laughter, or pursuing hobbies doesn't diminish the significance of the grief.

Sadness and joy can coexist. It's essential to recognize when professional support may be necessary. While grief itself is not a mental health disorder, it can lead to conditions like prolonged grief disorder if it causes significant distress and impairs daily functioning. Indicators such as persistent guilt, severe anxiety, ongoing sleep issues, hopelessness, or difficulty maintaining relationships may warrant professional intervention.

A psychologist or psychiatrist can help navigate through these challenges. Friends and family play a pivotal role in supporting someone who is grieving. Rather than pressuring them to "move on," offering a listening ear without attempting to explain or fix their sadness can be more comforting. Staying connected beyond the initial days of loss, offering practical assistance, and marking important dates together can provide comfort.

Acknowledging and adapting to loss doesn't mean forgetting the person who's gone; it's about finding a way to honor their memory while continuing with life.