The hidden heartbreak of losing a pet in Singapore and Malaysia
Growing up in a Malay family in Singapore, Hafeez Hassan feared dogs. He never expected to mourn one like a sibling. “Maybe that is what I have been grieving all along … The experience of loving something that I was taught I was not supposed to love,” he said. Even as an adult, walking his former partner’s husky Pieces in public made Hafeez anxious that a relative might see him, or that he might…
In Singapore and Malaysia, the loss of a beloved pet can bring about profound grief that is often unrecognized or unsupported by society. This type of grief, known as "disenfranchised grief," refers to a loss that is not openly acknowledged or socially accepted, making it a lonely experience for those who endure it. Hafeez Hassan, a dance choreographer from a Malay family in Singapore, describes his experience of mourning a pet as if it were the loss of a sibling, highlighting the deep emotional connection he felt.
Counsellors in the region recognize this disenfranchised grief and refer to it as such. Loss and grief counsellor George Chan notes that a dead pet can bring about a sense of loneliness and isolation when owners feel the need to defend their grief or explain its validity. The bond between an owner and their pet can extend beyond the animal itself, encompassing routines and emotional support during challenging times.
For some, the grief only manifests when they are processing other life events such as divorce or parental loss.
During his sessions, Chan focuses on the relationship the client had with their pet, rather than the death itself. He avoids attempting to understand the concept of death and instead aims to delve into the unique bond each pet shared with its owner. Guilt is a common emotion among pet owners, stemming from decisions made during the euthanasia process or when a pet passes away unexpectedly. Chan emphasizes that grief should not be seen as a problem to be solved but rather as a natural response to love.
In Malaysia, PiePie Pet Memorial offers follow-up care for bereaved pet owners, recognizing that the journey of grief does not end with the farewell ceremony. Manager Tan Chien Yung reported that over 4,000 bereaved pet owners have received support since the company began tracking counsellor follow-ups in 2022. While not all follow-ups result in dedicated grief support sessions, the service aims to ensure that no pet owner feels they must navigate their grief alone.
Tan Su Wen, a licensed counsellor who works with PiePie on follow-ups, typically contacts bereaved owners a week after the final farewell or sooner if funeral staff report significant distress. Common concerns include guilt and shock, particularly when the owner has euthanized a pet or lost one to an unforeseen accident.
Adapting to the unique needs of pet owners, PiePie has held farewell ceremonies for various animals, including dogs, cats, rabbits, and hamsters. Even a pet fish has been commemorated in this way. Hafeez Hassan eventually welcomed another dog, Ali, into his life after losing his previous pet, Pieces. However, the memory of his former companion remains a significant part of his life, with plans to light a candle and speak his name daily to honor Samuel's memory.
Despite enduring societal taboos surrounding pet loss, many owners find solace in the support provided by professionals like Chan and Tan, as well as the meaningful rituals they engage in to remember their cherished companions.
Written by urgent.news from South China Morning Post's reporting — not their text. Machine-written — may contain errors; check the original before relying on it.
