More Adults Are Cutting Off Family. Expert Reveals Surprising Consequences

Estrangement among family members has become a growing concern, with research suggesting that over one in four American adults are currently estranged from at least one relative. In his book Fault Lines, psychologist Karl Pillemer reported that roughly 67 million people in the United States are estranged from a relative. Notable examples include Hilary Duff and her sister, who have ceased communication, and Prince Harry's strained relationship with the Royal Family.

Brooklyn Peltz Beckham recently revealed years of conflict with his parents, David and Victoria Beckham, on Instagram. While distancing oneself from toxic family members can be necessary, some experts worry that estrangement is being seen as the first response to family conflict rather than a last resort.

Richard L. Blake, a psychology Ph.D. and author of Cut Off: Understanding Family Estrangement, notes that the conversation around family estrangement has shifted dramatically in recent years, particularly on social media. Blake asserts that the assumption that parents are the ones causing someone's mental illness does not hold up when tested in people who engage in "no contact."

While the prevalence of estrangement varies, the number of people searching for information about family estrangement has risen significantly since 2004, according to Google Trends data. Blake attributes this shift to broader cultural changes, as well as the influence of social media and "therapy culture."

Blake advises that not all family separations are justified, but those caused by abuse, neglect, or harmful behavior may be necessary for a person's well-being. The challenge lies in distinguishing those situations from ordinary family disagreements. When attempting to repair an estranged relationship, Blake warns against repeatedly arguing over who remembers past events correctly.

Instead, he suggests focusing on understanding each other's perspectives, rather than attempting to prove anyone's recollection of events is inaccurate. He emphasizes that reconciliation is often possible, with many estrangements eventually ending, though relationships may experience periods of separation and reunification. To foster healing, Blake encourages family members to listen before defending, acknowledging their feelings, and asking open-ended questions.