‘A hard, hard book to write’: Magda Szubanski on trauma, cancer and the cost of coming out

Magda Szubanski, the renowned Australian comedian and author, has penned a powerful memoir titled "I Can't Tell You But I Will". This book is a deeply personal exploration of her life, shaped by trauma, cancer, and the journey of coming out. The memoir, which took eight years to write, centers on her relationship with her mother, the love of her life.

Szubanski's new memoir is an ode to her mother, who passed away just weeks before the historic Australian same-sex marriage postal survey in 2017. This event was a pivotal moment for Szubanski, who was the public face of the campaign. In a heart-wrenching revelation, she discloses that her mother was gang-raped at the age of eight by a group of boys she had outplayed in a soccer game. This traumatic event, she writes, sheds light on the source of her mother's fear of standing out and being better than others.

In the preface of the book, Szubanski shares her recent diagnosis of mantle cell lymphoma, a rare and aggressive blood cancer. She describes the cancer as one of the "nastier ones", though she has since revealed she is in "deep remission". This diagnosis has profoundly changed her life, affecting her bone marrow, mitochondria, nerves, and tendons.

Szubanski's new book delves into the intergenerational trauma that she believes was woven into her genes before she was even born. She has been in therapy since 1990, including psychotherapy and cognitive behavioral therapy, to untangle the complex web of trauma that has shaped her life. In her memoir, she names her trauma as "the Matrix" and reflects on how this awareness has changed her understanding of her past and future.

Despite the challenges she has faced, Szubanski remains an unapologetic and authentic presence in the Australian public eye. Her memoir is a testament to her resilience and her commitment to sharing her story, no matter the cost.