Letting go: Why holding onto grudges can be damaging

Journalist Meredith Lepore admits she can hold grudges for an extended period, sometimes lasting five to seven years or even longer. After her friends failed to provide a bigger role in organizing a bachelorette party 12 years ago, she no longer planned such events. Similarly, a roommate's yelling at her for locking herself out of their apartment in her twenties left her resentful.

However, her most significant grudge stems from a college incident where her birthday cake was stolen by a boy, who later boasted about it. Despite her sensitivity, Lepore believes that some people are better at letting things go. Psychotherapist Nancy Colier, who has seen many patients holding grudges, explains that even small events can turn into enormous, toxic emotions that persist for decades.

Harvard epidemiology professor Tyler VanderWeele emphasizes that unforgiveness is like consuming poison, as it harms the individual holding the grudge more than the offender. Colier suggests forgiveness as the solution, as it involves replacing ill will with goodwill, even when hurt. Immaculée Ilibagiza, a survivor of the Rwandan genocide, attests to the transformative power of forgiveness.

Despite her initial anger, she realized that harboring rage only harmed her and now advocates for forgiveness worldwide. Ultimately, Colier emphasizes that personal well-being cannot rely on others' actions; one must take responsibility for their own happiness by releasing grudges.