„Spotlight-Effekt“: Solo-Unternehmungen: Wie lerne ich, Dinge alleine zu tun?

Many people find it difficult to do things on their own for the first time. Being left alone can make one wonder if everyone is watching. However, spending time alone can actually help to build self-confidence and become more aware of one's own needs. Psychologist and coach Katharina Stenger explains the process and why solitude is not a sign of weakness.

According to Stenger, being alone is hard for many because we are social beings shaped to belong to a group. Being outside of a group can quickly bring feelings of loneliness or exclusion. People may worry about others' opinions or even feel like they are not okay. These thoughts are more common in social or public places like restaurants. Psychologists call this the "Spotlight Effect": we think others are noticing and judging us more than they actually are.

The fear of comparison can also arise. Seeing couples or groups all around can create an impression that something is missing in oneself. But solitude is its own form of time, where one focuses on personal needs.

Stenger advises not to jump into the deep end right away. Solitude can be trained like a muscle. Instead of heading to a crowded restaurant, start with a walk, exploring the neighborhood, or finding a favorite spot to spend 20 or 30 minutes alone. A book or journal can help keep attention on something enjoyable. The phone should stay in the bag!

The goal is to accumulate positive experiences with oneself. Preparing for a solo outing can be easy and fun: book a time slot, play a favorite song, and wear comfortable clothes. If nervousness arises during a solo date, acknowledge the feeling, breathe calmly, and remember that the body's reaction is a normal response to an unfamiliar situation.

Solo dates can strengthen self-confidence as we decide what to do, where to go, and how long to stay. We practice acknowledging our own needs. Facing new or unfamiliar situations can also boost self-efficacy. Solitude can also provide a break from external stimuli, expectations, and social roles, creating a self-determined space for relaxation, reflection, creativity, and new ideas.

Writing down how one felt, what was enjoyable, and what was learned after a solo date can be helpful. However, solitude is not a cure for loneliness. Loneliness is the subjective feeling of lacking connection and can occur even when surrounded by people. Healthy solitude is not about withdrawing from others or replacing relationships.

Instead, it is about finding a balance where time alone complements community and helps reconnect with oneself.