Couples searching for a third partner report stronger bonds but often ignore the newcomer’s desires

A study published in Psychology & Sexuality examines the dynamics of couples seeking a third partner for sexual or romantic relationships. Researchers from La Trobe University in Melbourne, Australia, conducted a qualitative analysis of 80 individuals who were currently or had previously engaged in such practices. The findings reveal that couples often prioritize their own desires while minimizing the needs of the person they pursue, commonly referred to as a "unicorn" due to their rarity and high demand.

Most participants explicitly sought a bisexual woman, although gender was not the sole consideration for nearly a quarter of respondents. The search process itself was reported to strengthen existing relationships, with 80% of participants noting improved communication, honesty, and trust. Discussing fantasies and boundaries openly further enhanced their sexual experiences as a couple.

However, 20% of participants reported negative effects on their primary relationship, often due to disagreements, pressure, or breaches of trust. Many expressed jealousy when confronted with traditional relationship norms. A significant gap existed between the type of relationship couples desired and what they experienced. While most sought a primarily sexual relationship to fulfill fantasies or enhance shared pleasure with minimal romantic involvement, about 40% desired an emotional connection ranging from friendship to cohabitation.

Interestingly, few participants mentioned the third person's own desires or sexual pleasure as crucial to their ideal scenario. When describing actual relationships with a third person, many couples maintained strictly sexual boundaries, often engaging in one-night stands. Only 12% expressed care for the third person's feelings or treated them as equals.

The researchers suggest that couples should express genuine care for the third person and view the search process as forming a new interpersonal connection rather than requesting a specialized service. However, due to the reliance on self-reported data from a single perspective, future research should include the experiences of the pursued individual to provide a more comprehensive understanding of these dynamics.