Yom Kippur 2026: Does a text message or social media post count as a real apology?
As digital communication makes it easier to avoid difficult conversations, rabbis and educators weigh whether texts, voice notes, and social-media posts can deliver meaningful apologies.
During the Day of Atonement, one of the most significant tasks is seeking forgiveness from those we have wronged in the past year. As former Chicago rabbi Zev M. Shandalov explained, "Coming to Yom Kippur and banging on your chest doesn't do anything. God doesn't forgive on your behalf. It doesn't work that way. We have to go to that person and ask for forgiveness with a heartfelt 'I'm sorry.'"
While face-to-face interactions are ideal, modern communication methods like text messages, emails, and social media posts have become increasingly common. However, some argue that these digital apologies lack authenticity. Tech columnist Hillel Fuld stated, "Sending a text message just doesn't feel authentic. If you're going to ask forgiveness, be authentic about it. If needed, I don't care if we're in the digital age or not, I'm gonna get in my car and meet that person."
Rabbi Shandalov agrees, emphasizing the importance of direct interaction: "The best option is to physically go to the person asking for forgiveness. The 12th-century sage Maimonides said proper repentance requires meeting with the wronged party." When physical presence isn't feasible, a video chat or phone call might suffice. Shandalov believes voice notes are preferable to generic social media messages, stating, "At least the recipient can hear the inflection in the sender's voice."
However, Rabbi Shandalov acknowledges that sending a general message to a large audience may not be effective. "What people don't want to see is that you're saying sorry as a checklist item. Nobody wants to be a checklist item. When I want someone to ask me for forgiveness, first they should acknowledge what they did wrong and acknowledge that they know I was insulted or offended."
Rabbi Oriya Mevorach adds that a well-crafted, personalized message is ideal, suggesting the use of AI tools like ChatGPT to help compose such messages.
Accepting an apology via text message depends on its wording, Shandalov noted. "If you feel the text message that someone sends you is adequate, then accept the apology, say thank you very much, and put it behind you. But if you can't accept it, you should respond, 'Listen, I think this requires more of a discussion. I don't want to make you feel awkward, but we need to talk about some stuff before I could really give you true forgiveness.'"
In Jewish tradition, one may reject an apology twice due to potential insincerity or inability to forgive. After that, acceptance is expected. Rabbi Shandalov concluded, "If you don't forgive by the third time, you are considered a rasha, a bad person – although it depends on the specific situation. It's always best to seek forgiveness while the wronged party is still alive."
Written by urgent.news from Jerusalem Post's reporting — not their text. Machine-written — may contain errors; check the original before relying on it.
