I always dreamed of having 4 kids. After becoming a mom, I only want 1.
I was the eldest of four kids and assumed my own family would be just as big. After having one child, we're done.
The author, who grew up in a large family, always envisioned having multiple children. However, her current perspective has changed significantly. She and her husband now intend to have only one child, leaving her with a sense of loss. She fondly remembers her childhood, where her three siblings and she enjoyed equal playtime, splitting their time evenly. However, this vision has been challenged by the reality of adult life.
After marrying her husband and starting her career, she began to realize that the family she envisioned was causing her stress. The physical demands of childbirth and the mental burden of supporting a large family were overwhelming. Moreover, the financial implications of raising a big family in Los Angeles were daunting.
After two years of trying to conceive, the birth of her son was far from the ideal she had imagined. The experience was traumatic, and she found herself unable to envision repeating the process. Over a year later, she and her husband have adjusted to life with a toddler, a demanding 24/7 job that leaves little time for rest. Parenting has taken a toll on her body, causing a mix of gratitude and guilt.
Given her age, fertility concerns, and the added stress of managing a toddler and a newborn, the author and her husband decided to stop trying for more children. While she accepts this decision, she still mourns the family she could have had. She worries about her son growing up without siblings, which could affect his social skills and emotional development. Despite these concerns, she is determined to provide her son with the best version of parenting possible.
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