I grew up being afraid to make mistakes and show my emotions. I'm raising my children differently.

I was raised with the belief that my parents' love and approval were contingent upon demonstrating good behavior. However, I now aim to provide my children with a vastly different upbringing focused on connection rather than fear. My ultimate goal is not to raise perfectly behaved children, but rather to foster kids who feel loved, safe, and respected.

Growing up, I carried the burden of being taught that I must repress my emotions and refrain from making mistakes or expressing my opinions for fear of appearing disrespectful. Consequently, I developed the habit of holding in my feelings, believing that it helped me grow into an independent woman. However, I now strive to create an environment where my children feel empowered to voice their thoughts and emotions without fear of repercussions.

As first-generation parents raised during the internet age, we possess access to studies, research, and evidence supporting alternative parenting approaches. This wealth of information, coupled with my personal experiences of growing up under tough-love principles, has propelled me to raise my children with emotional resilience, confidence, and independence at the forefront.

Upon becoming a first-time parent, I immersed myself in parenting manuals, sleep guides, and blogs penned by child therapists and psychologists, all advocating for the importance of co-dependence in cultivating independence. Guided by this advice, I sought to soothe my children during their middle-of-the-night awakenings, provide comfort during emotional outbursts, and maintain an active presence in their lives by participating in their favorite activities without distractions such as smartphones.

While initially straightforward, I soon encountered challenges as my children entered the toddler stage. Their burgeoning opinions, resistance to my directives, and bold questions posed new obstacles to navigate. My daughter, who is three years old, is a master of strong emotions, often resorting to tantrums in public when I refuse to purchase her desired items.

Managing these situations can be emotionally taxing, and my initial instinct may sometimes manifest as anger. Nonetheless, I acknowledge that these feelings are rooted in my desire to break away from the limitations imposed upon me during my formative years, behaviors that would have been swiftly quashed by my parents.

In response to these challenges, I am consciously allowing my children to make choices, embrace messiness, and learn from their mistakes. By teaching them how to respectfully ask questions and stand up for themselves, I am empowering them to express their emotions without suppression. Most importantly, I hold myself accountable for displaying kindness and respect even in moments of frustration, thus demonstrating to my children that they deserve to be treated with dignity and compassion.

Although my children may not always adhere to conventional behavior norms, I find solace in the knowledge that they feel safe and loved, which is sufficient for my contentment.