My ethical will was supposed to be a simple insurance policy — then we lost our daughter

Cara brought immeasurable joy, love, and perspective to her family, and her legacy continues to shape their values. She remains at the core of their story, not because of her passing, but due to the lessons she imparted and the impact she had through the experience.

Writing her ethical will after Cara's death allowed the author to truly understand its purpose. The document was not a contingency plan, but a place to pass down resilience, gratitude, and presence in their own words, rather than through the lens of someone else's account or fading memories. Families often invest significant resources in transferring financial assets to the next generation, but they often overlook the transfer of values and experiences that give those assets purpose.

Families are expected to transfer approximately $84 trillion in wealth in the U.S. by 2045, making it the largest generational wealth transfer in history. While considerable effort is put into preparing to transfer assets, there is a responsibility to also focus on transferring judgment, perspective, and knowledge that contribute to the family's wealth.

An ethical will is not a legal document, but a complementary piece to a traditional estate plan. It captures the human side of a family legacy, preserving family history, experiences, mistakes, influential people, and lessons about various aspects of life. The author was inspired to create an ethical will after learning about them from Susan Turnbull and writing her first draft in 2007.

The ethical will should be a living document, continuously revisited and updated. Writing this document revealed that many of the author's values were passed down from their grandparents, mother, father, and various mentors. These lessons, acquired over time, have shaped their decision-making, parenting, business ventures, and understanding of their responsibilities.

The author believes that life experiences compound, much like financial assets. The lessons passed from one generation to another accumulate, influencing how individuals make decisions, raise children, build businesses, navigate challenges, and understand their responsibilities. An ethical will can provide a deeper understanding of a family's core values, where they originated, and why they have endured.

Families often dedicate decades to preparing the next generation to inherit financial capital through trusts, tax strategies, governance structures, and succession plans. However, financial capital is just one form of inheritance. An ethical will can help explain why certain values and experiences are being passed on, providing a deeper understanding of a family's core beliefs and guiding principles.

The author advises against making the ethical will-writing process overly complicated. Instead, start with one's own story, identifying the individuals who shaped them, the experiences that altered their perspective, the mistakes that taught valuable lessons, and the most important aspects of life. The goal is not to dictate another person's life, but to offer wisdom, introduce them to influential people, and explain the reasoning behind beliefs.

Ultimately, the author hopes that their ethical will will help their children understand their heritage, cherish the values that shaped their family, and determine their own path in life.