Why criticism backfires when teenagers are online
A mother sat in my office recently describing the moment she took her 15-year-old’s phone away after finding out how many hours a day he was spending on it. She expected relief, maybe even gratitude, once the distraction was gone. Instead, he became more withdrawn, more secretive, and within a week had found a way around the restriction entirely, a second account, a friend’s device, a workaround…
A mother recently shared her frustration after taking her teenage son's phone away, expecting relief. Instead, he became more withdrawn and secretive, finding ways to bypass the restriction. This is a common scenario for psychologists like Sarah El Nabulsi, who notes that the adolescent brain differs from an adult's. During adolescence, the brain's reward circuitry matures earlier and is highly sensitive to social feedback, while the prefrontal cortex responsible for impulse control and long-term consequences development is still maturing.
Social media platforms exploit this vulnerability by providing variable rewards, similar to slot machines, which keep the still-developing reward system engaged. Direct criticism often backfires as it is perceived as a threat to autonomy and social standing, triggering shame rather than helping the teenager reflect and change. Instead of criticism, fostering curiosity by asking teenagers about their online activities can open up a dialogue.
Collaborating on setting boundaries, rather than imposing them, helps teenagers feel a sense of ownership, making them more likely to adhere to the rules. Modeling responsible phone usage is also crucial, as teenagers learn more from observing parents than from rules alone. The ultimate goal is to build a relationship where teenagers feel comfortable approaching parents for help with online issues, rather than relying on restrictions alone.
Written by urgent.news from Gulf News's reporting — not their text. Machine-written — may contain errors; check the original before relying on it.
