'I'm numb': What it looks like to 'quietly quit' a marriage
"Quiet quitting" began as a social media trend where workers were encouraged to avoid burnout in their jobs by doing only the bare minimum. Some women are applying that to their romantic relationships.
Elodie, a married woman, has been quietly quitting her marriage. Her marriage appears ordinary from the outside, with two young children and the usual parental duties. However, Elodie feels she no longer recognizes the person she once loved. The strain on their relationship intensified after the birth of their children and a family death. Her husband's emotional withdrawal and refusal to engage emotionally led to Elodie feeling numb and disengaged.
Clinical psychologist Cassandra Shields explains that quiet quitting occurs when one partner constantly tries to change the relationship but fails, resulting in disengagement. This phenomenon often emerges during significant life transitions like parenthood or major life events. Elodie, now the primary caregiver and higher earner, has been shouldering a disproportionate share of responsibilities, causing her to feel overwhelmed and disheartened.
The deterioration of their marriage was exacerbated by her husband's emotional volatility, refusing to acknowledge his feelings and reacting with anger or withdrawal. Elodie stopped initiating intimacy due to his repeated dismissals of her attempts at connection. She acknowledges feeling like she was forcing him into intimacy, leading her to mentally check out of the relationship.
Elodie's husband initially made it clear he would resist her departure, citing his unwillingness to engage in a contentious separation. Despite her efforts to communicate and revive their bond, she has withdrawn from shared activities and responsibilities, focusing on her children and personal well-being. Vera, another woman experiencing similar struggles, feels estranged from her partner due to his lack of support during a traumatic birth and subsequent financial instability.
Psychologist Dr. Shields emphasizes that when individuals quietly quit a relationship, they lose out on essential emotional connections and intimacy. It's crucial for both partners to remain accessible, responsive, and emotionally engaged to maintain a healthy relationship. While leaving a relationship is a personal decision influenced by various factors, including cultural, financial, and familial considerations, maintaining a balanced emotional connection is vital for the well-being of both individuals and their children.
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