WELLNESS: The paradoxes of sleep: Why we battle to sleep, and how we could change

Sleep is a realm of paradoxes. The more we try to force it, the less we seem to obtain. This phenomenon, known as the paradox of intention, is all too familiar to those who have grappled with sleep. Viktor E Frankl eloquently described it: "Sleep is like a dove that lands near one's hand and stays there as long as one does not pay any attention to it. Unfortunately for us, sleep is not a flightless bird."

Compounding this issue is the control paradox. In our pursuit of control over our lives, we often overlook the fact that we have little actual control. Despite our attempts to stave off screens and indulge in chamomile tea, we continue to wrestle with the paradox of intention as we lie in bed.

Then there's the addition paradox – the tendency to continually add more to our bedtime routines in hopes of finding the elusive solution. Lotion, pills, white noise – we try them all, yet more often than not, these additions prove ineffective.

Sleep aids may be helpful, but the key lies in our primary orientation towards sleep and rest. We often put the cart before the horse, demanding rest while simultaneously pushing ourselves harder. We fail to recognize that rest is not the absence of effort, but rather an intrinsic aspect of our well-being.

Perhaps the most bitter paradox of all is the fatigue paradox. In moments of extreme exhaustion, we often make poor decisions that undermine our sleep. We binge-eat, doomscroll in bed, overcaffeinate, and cram entertainment into our quiet hours. Yet, when we are at our most fatigued, the best thing we can do is less – less effort, less compensation, and less control. By relaxing and allowing ourselves to be open to the natural flow of sleep, we may discover a sense of serenity we had long forgotten.