Why it’s so hard to apologise sincerely in foreign language

Apologies hold significant meaning, as they demonstrate an individual's understanding of responsibility, ethics, social norms, and relationships. These elements vary greatly across different cultural contexts. Speaking a foreign language may influence emotions such as guilt and shame during an apology, but apologies are complex forms of communication shaped by more than just the words used.

Cultural differences play a crucial role in how people apologize. Even within a single culture, apologies differ depending on the situation. For instance, a student apologizing to a professor for missing a deadline must acknowledge the missed deadline, take responsibility, and communicate respectfully. Social power, distance, and the seriousness of the offense are key factors that determine a culture's approach to apologies.

Guilt and shame are not interchangeable; guilt indicates wrongdoing, while shame suggests something is wrong with the person. Guilt tends to be emphasized in individualistic cultures, while shame holds more weight in collective cultures.

The study examined how Korean and Spanish speakers apologise in their first and second languages. Native Korean speakers often took responsibility directly in Korean, using phrases like "it was my fault" and strong self-critical language. In contrast, Spanish speakers softened responsibility, often explaining what happened, stressing unintentionality, or using impersonal phrases.

This difference in apology strategies arises due to cultural variations in repairing social relationships. In Spanish, explanations and negotiations are used to maintain social harmony, while in Korean, acknowledging fault is more direct, especially when social power is involved.

Interestingly, the study found that speaking a second language does not lead to reduced guilt or shame. Participants experienced strong moral emotions in both languages. However, when social power is a factor, such as apologizing to a professor, participants expressed guilt and shame more strongly in their first language. This suggests that emotional weight related to authority, responsibility, and social norms is deeply rooted in one's native language.

Intercultural pragmatics should be included in language teaching, focusing not only on grammar and vocabulary but also on managing emotions, acknowledging responsibility, and maintaining positive social relationships. Understanding cultural differences in expressing emotions can help reduce misunderstandings in intercultural communication, particularly in contexts dominated by authority and social expectations.