I took 10 weeks of parental leave but couldn't fully leave work behind
For dads to be engaged caregivers, support cannot end with granting them time away from work, father-of-two Xander Ong says.
Xander Ong, a father of two, argues that paternal support must go beyond simply providing time off from work. When Ong became a father in 2023, he expected that a two to three month absence from work would be sufficient for him to adapt to his new role as a parent. However, he found that it took four months before he felt comfortable as a father. The challenge of balancing his responsibilities as a father with those of his job became apparent again in October 2025, when Ong had his second child.
Even though Ong worked for the Centre for Fathering, a non-profit organization dedicated to fatherhood, he still struggled to fully disconnect from work. He found himself constantly thinking about the work responsibilities and the impact of his absence from the team. As the chief executive officer, Ong felt the pressure to maintain a strong presence for his company, even though his mind was primarily focused on his family.
Ong's experience highlights the ongoing struggle many fathers face in reconciling their dual roles as caregivers and employees. While paternity leave has become legally protected, with fathers now entitled to four weeks of government-paid leave, only about 61% of fathers took advantage of this during the 2024 birth year, up from 47% in 2016. Despite this progress, nearly four in 10 fathers still do not take paternity leave, often due to personal and practical concerns.
Workplace culture also plays a significant role in discouraging fathers from taking paternity leave. Many workplaces have yet to fully adapt to the idea of fathers as caregivers, and subtle disapproval from colleagues and managers can make fathers feel less committed to their work when they take leave. This can reinforce the notion that mothers are the primary caregivers, despite the crucial role fathers play in a child's upbringing.
The recent announcement of more childcare leave days by the Prime Minister aims to provide fathers with greater opportunities to care for their children. However, if workplace disapproval persists, it may hinder the uptake of these benefits. Employers should therefore be encouraged to support fathers who take leave, helping to increase its usage and further promote a more balanced approach to family life.
Written by urgent.news from Channel News Asia's reporting — not their text. Machine-written — may contain errors; check the original before relying on it.
