‘I thought I was angry with my brother’: The unspoken grief of growing apart in adulthood

Growing up can have a subtle way of altering sibling relationships, without any explicit announcement of the shift. There isn't a specific moment when brothers and sisters become distant. There's no discussion where individuals decide they will no longer be privy to each other's lives. It occurs subtly. A forgotten phone call here.

Varied schedules. Distinct cities. Different companions. Different priorities. Eventually, one might realize that the individual once intimately acquainted with another's life now requires inquiries to understand it. The individuals who once shared an almost complete existence have grown apart. The reporter, now in her 30s, reflects on her complicated relationship with her younger brother, who is 26 years old.

While going through old photographs, she stumbles upon a picture from Raksha Bandhan, an annual ritual that symbolizes the bond between siblings. In the picture, the reporter and her brother sit together, wearing traditional attire, with forced smiles. The photograph, slightly grainy but somehow more alive than modern snapshots, evokes a sense of belonging and unquestionable affection from their childhood.

Unlike typical elder sisters, the reporter felt a protective instinct towards her brother from a young age. She often defended him and tried to fix his problems, assuming the responsibility of making sure the world treated him kindly. Her brother trusted her with his secrets, school experiences, and both his joys and worries. One significant memory she recalls is the day of her brother's Class 12 results, when he called her to share his disappointment.

The reporter feels a sense of loss for the memories of their childhood bond. As they grew older, the reporter acknowledges that the ease of their relationship faded, replaced by the need for intention and effort to maintain their connection. She wonders about her brother's perception of her, whether he sees her as the older sister who once provided unwavering support or as a sister who has become distant and inconsiderate.