The internet has been sucked into bi dating discourse...again
Why the "would you date a bi man" debate resurfaces online every year, and what it actually costs bisexual men.
The topic of how we date and who we date has never been more prominent on social media. Oversharing dating lives is the foundation of the internet, but it is also the source of many misguided opinions. As the internet is cyclical, certain ideas about sex and dating resurface regularly on platforms like TikTok and X. While there is a lot of focus on heterosexual dating norms, the conversation occasionally returns to bisexuality, usually annually.
In the past month, discussions about straight women not wanting to date bi men have been prominent on TikTok and X. The same discourse has been occurring for several years, with tweets from 2024, 2020, and 2018 addressing the topic. Zachary Zane, a sex expert and author, explains that the conversation returns each year because it is a complex question. He dismisses the instinct to label every rejection as biphobic and emphasizes that it is a more complicated issue than it appears on the surface.
A 2023 meta-analysis of 61 studies involving over 32,000 participants found that men reported more negative attitudes towards bisexuality than women. This gap was particularly pronounced among straight men. A separate study on willingness to date bisexual people found that straight people, particularly men, were less likely to date bisexual individuals compared to bisexual people themselves. This reluctance was especially strong when it came to dating bisexual men.
The reluctance to date bisexual men specifically appears to be driven by anti-bisexual bias, particularly among straight men. However, even bisexual women reported hesitation about dating bi men. Common stereotypes about bisexuality, such as the idea that bi men are secretly gay or incapable of monogamy, contribute to the stigma and reluctance. These stereotypes are interconnected and reinforce each other, making it difficult to address any one of them without addressing the others.
The pushback in this discourse often relies on straw man arguments, suggesting that anyone raising concerns about bisexuality is trying to shame or guilt straight women into finding bi men attractive. Zane argues that discomfort is often a sign of insecurity, and people prefer to use the word discomfort instead of acknowledging their insecurities. The argument is about the reasons some women give for ruling out bisexual men categorically, rather than about forcing anyone to date someone they are not interested in.
Written by urgent.news from Mashable's reporting — not their text. Machine-written — may contain errors; check the original before relying on it.
