극적인 삶 [이대한의 낭만연구실]

One of the most vivid memories from my youthful years is my first participation in a theatrical performance. During my second year of elementary school, I, along with my friends, played the role of fish on stage. The sensation of stage fright while reciting my lines in front of a large audience remains vivid in my memory even 30 years later.

This intense memory is perhaps the reason I have always admired the art of theater. After entering university, one of the first courses I took was an introductory course to theater performances. While strolling through campus, I came across a promotional flyer for the "Total Theater Exhibition," which made me ponder the extent of my involvement in theater.

Although I hesitated due to the feeling that all my college life would be consumed by it, I eventually decided to pursue my dream, though it did not come to fruition. Since then, I have attended theater performances occasionally, but it was through an unexpected encounter with a friend who was a performer and director that I began to appreciate theater even more.

We quickly became close friends, and as I started to think about theater more often, I naturally became more interested in it. It was around this time that I met another friend while serving as a professional research officer in a military training camp. At that time, the entire division was composed of professional research officers, mostly in their late 20s who were pursuing research at universities or industrial companies.

There were several PhD holders among us, including a professor who had completed their doctorate at Caltech and was conducting research at a graduate school. One day, while diligently conducting experiments at my laboratory bench, a sudden realization hit me that everything was "dramatic." It felt as if I had been cast in a new role, similar to how actors rehearse and perform their parts.

From that day forward, I began to perceive life as a series of dramatic experiences. Now, I consider my school as a stage where I play the role of a teacher, attend academic conferences as a researcher, return home as a husband and father, and play various roles accordingly. Each role comes with appropriate words and actions, and I strive to adhere to them.

I believe that life's inherent dramatic nature is not a sign of superficiality or passivity, but rather a core aspect of our humanity. We are not just reactive beings responding instinctively to our surroundings, but rather active individuals who assume new roles and strive to embody them fully. Many of the dreams we pursue are initially imagined and then transformed into reality through this very process of "acting."

Before embracing the idea of a "dramatic life," I often engaged in intense self-criticism, questioning my true identity. However, recognizing that there is no perfect, essential self and accepting that I am a composite of various roles allowed me to adopt a more pragmatic approach to life, or "acting." I can choose the stages I wish to perform on and the roles I wish to undertake.

Each role contributes to shaping who I am. When I think about the dramatic aspects of my life, I am reminded of a quote from actor Kim Min-su, who advised an aspiring actor, "What is true acting? Real acting is not doing acting at all." This quote can be rephrased as, "True life is not distinct from true theater." In other words, the essence of life and theater are indistinguishable.

When pondering the dramatic nature of life, I often ask myself, "What stage am I on? What dreams am I pursuing on this stage? What roles am I playing, and how do they guide my actions?"