How to help your kids make friends at a new school

Starting at a new school can bring many questions for students: Will they see familiar faces? Who will they sit with at lunch? Who will they play with at recess? Iman Fair-Seldon, a 5-year-old starting first grade at a new school in southern New Jersey, expressed both nerves and excitement about making new friends.

To help children navigate these transitions, parents can play an influential role. Dr. Asha Barber Sutton, a therapist and academic dean, notes that parents have a significant impact on children's social lives during transitions. Parents can create opportunities for connection by engaging in activities like parks, playgrounds, and birthday parties, and considering sleepovers when children are ready.

Iman's mother, Amira, schedules monthly playdates and attends birthday functions to foster connections for her daughter. However, parents cannot manage every friendship for their children. Instead, they can help children develop their own understanding of what makes a good friend: kindness, honesty, and the ability to be oneself. Parents can also encourage children to think about their values in friendships, such as asking what qualities they like in their friends and who makes them feel comfortable being themselves.

To help children initiate conversations, especially teens who may be distracted by screens, parents can encourage putting devices away and being present with others. Parents should also discuss expectations around technology, social media, and gaming with their children, including knowing who they interact with online. By fostering these skills, parents can help their children build meaningful friendships at their new school.