I spent decades pleasing everyone. Then cancer changed the equation.

Lynn Shattuck, a firstborn Gen-X daughter, has spent her life as a people-pleaser. This behavior became a focus when she was diagnosed with chronic lymphoma at the age of 50. The news of her cancer diagnosis coincided with her 50th birthday, and the oncologist informed her that the condition is chronic, meaning she would likely live with it rather than die from it.

This was a powerful moment that gave her a crash course in setting boundaries after years of putting others' needs before her own. As a people-pleaser, Shattuck struggled with feelings of guilt, especially when she had to leave her young son with her husband to attend to her own needs. However, her cancer diagnosis made her realize that people-pleasing was not only unhealthy but also a cultural norm for women, often used as a survival tactic.

After her diagnosis, setting boundaries became easier with practice, even though it required vigilance. She found that boundaries were beneficial because they communicated her needs and limits to others, preventing the depletion that unchecked people-pleasing caused. Shattuck now actively sets boundaries in her life, such as declining certain volunteering opportunities and opting for a smaller car to reduce her anxiety.

As she continues to work on her chronic condition, she remains committed to prioritizing her well-being and maintaining a balanced work-life.