I'm Alone, But I Don't Hurt [Lee Myung-seok's I Anyway Am Alone]

Summer's crisp breeze is just as tiring as a lunch break for office workers. Why did this moment occur? I sat on a park bench, self-reproachful, savoring a sandwich. In this weather, no one would come here, right? Removing my flip-flops, I left them on the grass while the grassy shadow neared. "Hello!" said a child in a kindergarten hat.

I startled and looked behind, but there was no one. "Haha, hello." The child waved her play mat and approached. "No, I'm catching a monkey." If I were that person, I'd be thrilled. I recalled an article about a man luring children with music and puppets. My sweaty, frantic appearance flashed in my mind. Then, children in kindergarten uniforms and holding play mats appeared beyond the grass.

"You're looking for someone?" But there are such children in the world. They prefer playing with adults more than their peers. There are adults who prefer spending time with kids more than their own age. Ultimately, I left under the shade of the grass, pretending it was hot. "It's really hot today. You shouldn't stay out too long."

I thought to myself as I returned. As I did so, I reflected on my self-observation. I only did so because I was alone. If I had other women or children with me, I wouldn't have. People worry about safety for others when someone is alone. Women and the elderly are more likely to do so. A hungry stomach is an understandable thought, but for a middle-aged man living alone, the opposite concern arises.

Will I become a threat? Just yesterday, I heard a sizzling sound near a park entrance. Could it have been a performance? A couple with a child crossing by made me follow them. "Are you going somewhere?" a guard ran over and grabbed me. "I'm just performing." "Only authorized individuals may enter." I protested feeling uneasy. "It's a family."

I didn't want to discriminate against anyone. But I wondered who they were looking for. The guard's category of 'family' could be 'students' families' or 'average families'. I didn't ask, but the latter seems likely. I carry a hunger for danger. Even when going to school for a lecture, I fill out a 'Criminal Power Certification Form'.

I thought it was fortunate to receive such an acknowledgment. Despite having a smartphone, one could become a criminal in this world. Yet, I felt a sense of unfairness and discontent. So, I considered the opposite scenario. Am I always the one feeling fear? I live in a busy district with many foreigners. Witnessing them loitering in alleys and wasting time makes me anxious.

If they were targeting me, I would run away. However, they might be targeting me instead. In the unbearable summer heat, I endure the scorching air conditioning. Yet, if that loudmouth man calls the police for trivial matters, what will I do? I'm a potential victim among other potential victims. This world where I must remain silent is not entirely peaceful.

Therefore, I must find a way to show that the old man beside me is harmless. Wearing plain clothes, I walk calmly, smile at strangers, and eat from the dark package without drawing attention. I avoid peeking into others' affairs and refrain from taking pictures of elementary school students' backpacks. When encountering a cat, I don't disturb it.

I don't photograph a cute elementary student's bag. Being alone sometimes feels unnerving, but nowadays, many people are more cautious. I act like a worried person or a stalker when I see someone approaching the building entrance. I don't inquire about their intentions. Seeing someone carrying a trolley at a building's parking lot, I cross my arms. I don't ask if they're delivering a parcel or a stalker.