How to Recover From an Embarrassing Faux Pas

Recovering from an embarrassing faux pas can be challenging, but it's possible. Lizzie Post, co-president of the Emily Post Institute, shares her experience of accidentally announcing that she had given birth when she actually got engaged. She realized her mistake and moved on, leaving the other person relieved.

Psychologists and etiquette experts suggest several steps to recover gracefully from a faux pas. First, take your foot out of your mouth by pausing, acknowledging the impact of your remark, and taking responsibility. For example, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed." or "I can see that my joke was insensitive. I apologize."

Next, match the apology to the offense. A minor blunder may only require a quick "I'm sorry—please remind me." However, a painful faux pas calls for a direct acknowledgment of the harm and possibly a longer conversation if the other person wants one.

Don't turn an apology into an autobiography. Avoid blame, defensiveness, or minimizing the harm. Instead, lead with: "I shouldn't have done that. There's no excuse for it." Then ask if an explanation would be helpful.

For a digital faux pas, such as sending a text to the wrong person with sensitive information, Post suggests: "I'm so sorry. Clearly that text wasn't meant for you—and I probably shouldn't have been sending it anyway." Then leave it at that.

Avoid making multiple apologies, as it may appear self-centered. Serious harm may require more than one apology, but the timing should be entirely in the hands of the person who was hurt. If you realize your faux pas hours or days later, it's better to address it than to hope the other person forgot.

After the faux pas, act normal the next time you see the person. Avoid avoidance, as it can make the situation feel more significant. Finally, keep the story to yourself and avoid self-deprecating jokes, as they may make the other person feel more embarrassed.