Introductions might be getting in the way of building meaningful relationships. Try this instead

When we introduce people to one another, we often begin with their titles, companies, education, and accomplishments. It's no surprise that this approach makes connections feel transactional. Obtaining such information first prompts individuals to rank, compare, and classify us based on our backgrounds, before we can even share anything about ourselves, preventing the chance of forging bonds through common humanity.

In an age of constant contact yet a lack of genuine connection, we must reconsider the way we introduce ourselves. Post-pandemic, people are now more likely to encounter one another through digital profiles, platforms, and job titles, thanks to Riaz Patel's creation of ConnectEffect in 2022. The aim of this initiative is to restore human-to-human authentic connections by encouraging deep conversations between strangers for an hour in a TV show format.

The goal is to decrease isolation, alienation, and polarization by fostering trust among strangers. In a survey conducted with students at Central Lakes College in Brainerd, Minnesota, nearly three-quarters of participants reported feeling "people are around me but not with me," while over 70% felt "left out" and half admitted they were "unable to reach out and communicate with those around them."

Historically, introductions were made through family, school, workplace, religious, and social connections. Nowadays, introductions occur through electronic profiles, job titles, affiliations, bios, headlines, and algorithms. This reduction of introductions to mere sorting devices has led us to form conclusions before forming relationships.

For instance, "Hi, I'm Angela. I'm VP of strategy for a global healthcare company" or "Hi, I'm Marcus. I went to UCLA and then Stanford and now run a venture-backed startup." These facts give rise to subtle and powerful comparisons, such as determining seniority, success, or impressiveness. Hierarchy undermines connection. To cultivate better connections, more inclusive work environments, and communities that create common ground, we must rethink how connections begin. Here's how to start:

1. Initiate with shared humanity, not your biography. The most common question asked when meeting someone for the first time in a professional setting is, "What do you do?" However, this question is one of the least effective for establishing a connection because it defines someone based on their function and enables us to judge rather than connect.

Instead, ask "Yes/No" questions that reveal real experiences, histories, idiosyncrasies, habits, and the human condition. For example, "Have you ever felt totally out of place after moving to a new location?" or "Have you ever pretended to know something at work when you didn't?" By asking these questions, we can see others as complex human beings rather than just a category.

Remember, we're not suggesting that we should ignore professional identity altogether—it's simply a matter of postponing that identity long enough to meet the human first.

2. Postpone mentioning status indicators. Titles, schools, affiliations, and jargon can solidify relative position within a group, serving as status indicators that establish a social ranking. Once position enters the conversation, comparison shows up soon after. Comparison, while useful for hierarchy, is not conducive to connection.

These comparison judgments have a high cost, relegating people to mere objects of opportunity, obstacles, or categories before offering them the dignity of being a human being. To create "status-free openings" to conversations, ask people to introduce themselves without using job titles, company names, schools, or other status-signaling factors.

For example, "Let's not introduce ourselves by saying what it is we do. Instead, tell people your name and one thing that has been on your mind lately" or "Before we get to roles and organizations, tell us about a time in your life that was particularly formative." These openings prevent us from being performative while helping us be specific.

They also level the playing field, making it easier for people to identify things that feel familiar in others' stories. At one ConnectEffect event during political division amid ICE raids in Brainerd, Mayor Dave Badeaux noted, "The introduction itself may be one of the most overlooked forms of community infrastructure. The way people meet shapes the way they see each other and ultimately the kind of community they become."