The real reason many Americans are cutting ties with their parents and siblings
Estrangement is rarely caused by childhood abuse or a pushy therapist. Instead, it reveals a collision between two ideas of what family should be.
Many Americans are increasingly cutting ties with their parents and siblings, driven by a clash between expectations of loyalty, duty and forgiveness, and a desire for respect, emotional safety and personal growth. The path to estrangement is usually gradual, marked by mounting tensions and unresolved conflicts, rather than a single betrayal or dramatic rupture.
For example, Luna, a 26-year-old woman, stopped speaking to her father because he insisted on obedience and dominance, refusing to accept her terms for contact which demanded treatment as an equal person. Similarly, Molly, a 36-year-old woman, ended her relationship with her mother due to a lack of accountability and her mother's unwillingness to acknowledge her wrongdoings.
The current media coverage often frames estrangement as an epidemic, but my research suggests that this framing misses the actual reason behind the trend. In-depth interviews with 68 adults who went no-contact with relatives revealed that estrangement is less about trauma or selfishness, and more about a clash between competing expectations.
Falling birth rates also raise the stakes, as people have fewer relatives to maintain close ties with, making the loss of one relationship more significant.
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