Why do people ask so few questions in conversation?
We've perhaps been conditioned to not ask too many questions, in case it comes across as rude or prying. But columnist David Robson argues that asking people open-ended questions benefits our wellbeing, and doesn't have to be complicated
People often refrain from asking many questions during conversations, a phenomenon explored in new research on "interpersonal curiosity" by psychologist Niobe Way. Originating from her personal experience of moving to Shanghai and struggling to engage in conversations with friends about her own experiences, Way observed that asking questions about others' lives can lead to deeper and more meaningful connections.
In a study of 11-13 year-old students, researchers found that individuals who asked questions about personal lives and relationships had better friendships and overall well-being. The findings suggest that Western culture, especially masculine stereotypes, discourages curiosity about others from a young age, possibly due to gender roles and individualism.
Way's research indicates that boys are twice as likely as girls to report having no questions, likely due to adherence to macho values. These values, as measured by the adolescents' agreement with statements like "I do not let it show to my friends when my feelings are hurt" and "It is necessary for me to fight others in order to gain respect," are inversely correlated with interpersonal curiosity.
The quality of friendships, measured by factors such as free time spent together and social support, also correlates with curiosity. Way argues that this problem can be addressed through education and the development of a curriculum, like the Listening with Curiosity Project, which teaches students to ask open-ended questions and actively listen.
The early results show that this approach increases curiosity and improves friendship quality, particularly for boys.
Written by urgent.news from New Scientist's reporting — not their text. Machine-written — may contain errors; check the original before relying on it.
