Suicide and the fight to stay alive

Living with suicide, borderline personality disorder, heartbreaking relationships, and the relentless pursuit of survival. This topic is heavy, deep, and challenging to discuss, but today, I want to share my personal experience that I have never revealed before. This article is particularly relevant as recently, a South African footballer who participated in the World Cup took his own life upon returning home to South Africa; and a Ghanaian man, beloved by many, allegedly took his life as well.

Suicide is a subject we often avoid, yet it deserves our attention and understanding. Here are some alarming statistics: Over 720,000 individuals lose their lives to suicide annually worldwide. This equates to approximately: 1,970 deaths per day, 82 deaths per hour, and one death every 43 seconds. Suicide accounts for more than 1 in every 100 deaths globally.

Approximately 73% of suicides occur in low- and middle-income countries. For every person who loses their life due to suicide, more than 20 other adults are estimated to have attempted it. A surprising fact for many: Suicide is the third leading cause of death worldwide among people aged 15-29 years. This highlights the urgency of suicide prevention as a major global public health priority.

Reflecting on my own past, I attempted suicide while attending the University of Ghana. I had a significant relationship with someone I considered my everything. We were in a relationship for some time, broke up, and then had an on-and-off relationship. One night, he visited me at my hostel, and after some intimate moments, he abruptly ended the interaction.

A third party intervened, and I felt deeply hurt, discarded, and humiliated. I walked away silently and went to my room, only to pull a knife from the drying rack and slice my wrist. Though not deep, the sight of the small trickle of blood made me realize I had failed to end my life. Overwhelmed by sadness and hurt, I sobbed on my balcony, overlooking the car park.

My roommate came to check on me, showing empathy and compassion. She removed the knife from my hand and cleaned the small bloodstain. To this day, I can still see the tiny line on my wrist, a constant reminder of the pain that pushed me to the brink. I was hopelessly in love with this person, and their action felt like they had crushed my heart.

At the time, I was unaware of my borderline personality disorder (BPD), but looking back, I understand that my actions were driven by extreme emotional pain, a common feature of the disorder. BPD is associated with a significantly higher risk of suicidal thoughts, attempts, and death. A 2025 meta-analysis involving 35 studies and over 34,000 people with BPD found that 80% had considered suicide, 52% had attempted it, and 6-10% had succeeded.

The connection between BPD and suicide is not merely impulsivity; it involves intense emotions, rejection, abandonment, and feelings of worthlessness. When I attempted suicide, I was deeply affected by these factors and felt utterly worthless, believing that no one truly cared for me. My roommate and I never discussed the incident again, and I never shared it with anyone else, except my therapist and psychiatrist years later, and now, I share it with you, my readers.